thejesusrecords

As I walk through the mundane day in and day out pleasures, terrors and grinding stuff of life, every now and then my mind begins to wander about things like purpose and meaning and I start asking myself questions like what do I really value and why do I pursue friendships with other people and what is it really that makes me tick. When I take my eyes off of God, why does my attitude change? Why do I feel far away from Him sometimes and other times so close? Why are some moments perfectly formed as great and memorable and others as cold and normal?

My mind wanders to Holy Scripture to places like Genesis when the Spirit of God hovered over the face of the water in the process of creation, or to the start of John when the Word “became flesh and dwelt among us,” or to many places in Scripture when Jesus really connected with people; the woman at the well, the woman who was “caught in the act” or the teacher who came to Him late at night with questions. How intimate and wonderful these times must have been. While my mind is wandering, my heart is longing. My heart does not wander. It simply longs to connect with God so that I am satisfied in some deep way that I no longer will seek out what people in Christian circles call “worldly pleasures.”

I was recently hit hard with the concept of the Trinity in a way that I had never taken the time to think about and as I began to mull it over, some things began to sink into my being that give me a glimmer more of hope than I had before I thought about it. The idea is simply that God is not and was never lonely. He always was God, the Father, God, the Word and God the Spirit. These are things I kind of already knew (basic Christian theology) but never really pondered deeply. God didn’t make man because He was lonely. God chose to be creative and chose to relate to His creation in a loving way, but it was a decision cast out of perfect love and holiness, not desperation or some kind of weird longing for a relationship. Encompassed within the Trinity is everything God could want or need for perfect relationship.

Here’s the thing that is gripping me. In Peter’s teachings in scripture, he refers to us christians as partakers of the divine nature, you know, a people who are actively involved in Christ. So I think what the Bible is saying is that we can actively participate in life in the trinity now. It blows me away that it could be possible to have a day where I don’t get lonely or don’t allow fear of what others might think into my frail little head. Where I don’t say stupid things to get attention at a party. I want more of Him. I am desparate to know more of this kind of satisfaction. Even in my desparation for Christ, there is a hint of self centeredness. Am I desperate for more of Him so I won’t feel lonely or do I want this “nature” solely to glorify God.

While I know who I am in “Christ” b/c I stand on Him as my foundation and know and identify with Him completely as my Father and Friend, I also long to have this fulfillment and to know that thing which Jesus knew, that perfect satisfaction, that perfect love which compelled Him enough to take the road of suffering. I want to know that I am satisfied in and with God and, in that moment, to only glorify Him.

Please God, plant this stuff in my being, deeper, in eternal places. Let stuff get born out of your truth in me.

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